Fazbear Q&A
by Lolita Westmore
Summary: Mike Schmidt and the animatronics are lured back to Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, which has been rebuilt by a strange girl with a hat full of tricks. Rated M for language, gore, and raunchy content
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own the FNAF trilogy at all. Just the storyline and Baby.**

_I hope you're up for a reunion with Fazbear and company tonight Mike! Just meet at the old Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria at 9 tonight for a walk down memory lane with your old friends. Refreshments provided, though therapy afterwards won't be._

_-Baby_

"I won't bother with the introductions since you know each other so well already. So let me just explain the rules." The scantily clad young lady declared as she trotted up the stage. Sitting at one of the long purple tables, sat Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie Bunny, Chica, Foxy the Pirate Fox, Golden Freddy and Mike Schmidt with looks of either confusion, paranoia, anger or a combination of the three.

The blasted hellhole that used to be called Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria, the one that was torn down to ease the trauma of the families whose children were slaughtered, where Mike endured a lifetime of frights and horror in a mere week, had somehow been restored like nothing ever happened. The tables were polished, the arcade up and running with the latest games, and the stage illuminated with bright lights, everything had been restored to pristine shape from the restaurant's glory days.

"First off, you will be staying here until further notice" – here Mike uttered a low growl deep in his throat- "but I did take the time to provide you with decent living arrangements, so be grateful!"

"But what about my friends?" Mike demanded. "They're going to notice I haven't shown up for work-"

Their captor raised a hand to silence his protests. "Time will stand still, so what could be days or weeks in here will equate to about, ah a half hour." A smirk went up on her blood red lips to punctuate it while she removed her top hat as if she would pull a rabbit out of it. She reached in and pulled out a leaf of paper before perching her hat jauntily with a bit more flair than typical.

"I wonder what your fans want…"

**I've always had a soft spot for truth or dare fics since I discovered this site (personal favorite is Questions and Dares from Dreamer's Nightmare in the Tokyo Mew Mew section), so this one popped into my head for FNAF! But some ground rules:**

**Yes the bite and murders did happen, but the animatronics are not possessed by the children's spirits.**

**Right now, it's the main Fazbear crew (Freddy, Bonnie, Chica and Foxy), Mike Schmidt and Golden Freddy. I will eventually include the toy animatronics, Balloon Boy, the Marionette, Jeremy Fitzgerald and Springtrap.**

**This fiction is rated M, but any sex dares will not be written in full detail (mostly because I'm not very experienced with them). You can go ahead and send them, just don't expect all the juicy details!**

**No co-host requests please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**So it's (A/N: was) April Fool's Day, a celebration of nonsense and jokes! What better way to mark this occasion than a new chapter of Fazbear Q&amp;A?**

**I don't own the FNAF trilogy. Just the storyline and Baby.**

All sorts of scenarios ran through Mike's mind as his host/tormenter took her sweet time in reading the slip of paper. He's visited the tumblr pages, seen the fanart, read the stories… so much porn, he shuddered with remembrance.

Baby's eyebrows went up in interest. Only one slip of paper arrived in her hat since she began her fun, but judging by how Mike shuddered (he must've seen what the fans concocted online, she mused) it may as well have been a letter saying that he would die of cancer within the hour.

"You shouldn't worry," she called out to the young man. "It's nothing too serious."

Mike let out a sigh as his shoulders slumped in relief. "Oh thank Jesus," he breathed out before righting himself up in his chair. "Then what is it?"

"Just a question for the scallywag fox himself," Baby replied with a smirk towards Foxy.

Foxy's ears perked up in interest. He didn't seem as much of a nervous breakdown as Mike, but he did seem a smidge uneasy.

Baby looked back down at the paper in her hands and read what it said out loud.

"How does Foxy keep his hook clean throughout the years? –Shark Lord"

Crickets may as well have begun chirping, it was so silent. The only other sound was an exasperated "pffff" from Mike that sounded more like a car that was about to crap out. The animatronics merely blinked in surprise that they got such a tame question for their first night.

Foxy eventually had the courage to break the awkward quiet. "Well," he began, flipping up his eyepatch and rubbing his eye with his one hand. "I usually borrow some of tha' cleanin' foam maintenance uses to clean the restrooms. Jus' can't remember the name right now." Foxy grimaced as he tried to rack his memory for the name. "Began with a 'k' 'sall I remember…"

Mike grunted. "I didn't even think that you needed to clean that thing every now and then. Thought all the blood would scare the guards even more."

"To each their own," Freddy quipped as he adjusted his bowtie before looking at Baby. "Anything else for us?"

Baby merely shook her head. "That was the only one I received. You're excused for now."

**Bleh. Shorter chapter than I intended, but my brain feels a bit fuzzy. I'm hoping there'll be some more material for me to work with next time. **

**Submit your questions and dares in the reviews section and they'll be featured in the next chapter. Sex dares are fine, but they will not be written in full detail (mostly because I'm not experienced with writing that kind of thing). **

**Thanks for taking the time to look at this! *bows***


	3. Chapter 3

I'm actually surprised that I've gotten this many followers and faves right now! Thank you guys! *hugs*

I don't own FNAF. Just the storyline and Baby.

As much as he disliked being trapped in Fazbear's pizzeria, Mike was at least grateful that he did get a decent bed to sleep in. Granted, it was a somewhat cheap mattress dressed in basic green sheets and nestled in a plain bedframe but at least it wasn't the floor. The only other furnishings in the room were a small white storage unit by his bed (empty) and an enormous beanbag chair lying in a corner, the kind that could swallow a small child in seconds.

The overhead light illuminated the taupe walls, which could've used a little TLC and the carpet which could use a vacuuming. Or three. The only thing decorating the walls was a poster featuring the killer quartet drawn with chubby proportions and sporting "trololol" faces (at least that's what Mike thought) and "Let's have fun!" arcing over them in canary yellow balloon lettering.

_If I'd known I'd be stuck here for God knows how long_, he thought as he turned over in bed, _I would've brought along that book I meant to start_… His eyelids drooped shut and he soon dozed off.

"Freddy!" Baby trilled towards the brown bear. "You have a question to answer!"

Fazbear perked up at this, wondering what it was all about.

"Hey Freddy! Bang, Marry, Kill: Foxy, Chica, Bonnie." –Consulting Whovian of Galifrey

Freddy's face scrunched up in confusion before uttering a flat "what?"

"Which one would you have sex with, which one would you marry and which one would you kill," Baby clarified.

The brown bear rested his chin in his hand and began thinking. "Well," he finally said. "I'd bang Chica-"

Chica practically spat out the soda she was drinking, leaving a sticky puddle on the table.

"-I'd marry Foxy since I really like him…"

Foxy's face actually turned a much deeper shade of red as a small smile exposed his fangs.

"-and kill Bonnie," Freddy concluded. "Even though he's the best guitarist we have."

Bonnie snorted in disbelief. "Puh-lease," he sighed. "This place has been closed for who knows how long. I don't miss performing for the little shits! They all just yammered loudly or tried to touch my feet and I could do jack about it!"

"You did snap at some kids for tossing their drinks at you once," Golden Freddy quietly mused. "Management didn't appreciate the lawsuit threats from the parents."

The purple rabbit whipped his head around and glared at Freddy's twin. "You shut your damn mouth!" he demanded. He slumped in his seat, swearing he could feel the sticky soda pop dry on his fur and hear one mom that she'd sue the place out of existence.

Baby smirked. "You can't exactly do much about your conditions while in the food industry," she commented. "Must keep the customers happy, even if it costs you some of your sanity."

She reached into her hat and pulled out another scrap of paper, quickly scanning over the words. Baby soon turned back towards the animatronics.

"Foxy, go summon Mike will you?"

It must have only been a few minutes since he fell asleep, but Mike swore that he heard metallic thumping growing louder as it reached his room. He tried to lull his brain back to sleep, dismissing it as a hallucination from… those days.

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG

Mike jolted, but his eyes were still bleary and his body paralyzed with fatigue. He didn't even call out for a name as he closed his eyes once more.

Outside the door, Foxy blinked in surprise. Pounding the door until it may as well have broken in two scared the daylights out of Mike when he was the night guy, but this time didn't even produce a scream, let alone a "SHIT!"

With a sigh, the pirate fox decided to jiggle the door knob and found that it wasn't even locked. With a smirk, he opened the door and tiptoed towards the bed where Mike was sleeping. Foxy leaned right into the human's ear and-

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKK"

Mike's screams echoed throughout the pizzeria, briefly startling Freddy, Bonnie, Chica and Golden Freddy. Baby merely smiled and shook her head.

A few minutes later, Foxy appeared back in the dining room carrying Mike (with a look that seemed to say "Fuck my life") bridal style and seemed quite proud of himself.

"Please tell me you sent this asshat to scare me awake for a good reason," Mike muttered to himself.

Baby giggled. "It concerns you and Foxy," she chirped before reading the paper's contents out loud.

"Meki how you feel to be with them as they wanted to kill you. For all that piesan of Meki and Foxy fics" –GodOmegaZero

Mike wrenched himself from Foxy's grasp only to fall in a heap on the floor. He jolted upright and brushed himself off before glaring at Baby with feral eyes.

"THEY-" he rasped out with an accusatory finger pointed straight at them. "-are the bane of my life! I've had nightmares of Fazfuck stuffing me into a GODDAMN suit for who knows how long! I've had to see _three_. _Different._ _Shrinks. _And even then it's not enough to bleach their FACES out of my head! I can't even listen to music boxes the same way since ALL I HEAR is "Los Toreadors" playing on a motherfuckin' loop every single damn time in my head!"

Mike stopped his tirade with some heavy breathing and bloodshot eyes that could've pierced Baby's soul. If they did have an effect, she didn't show it.

"So I guess you don't appreciate stories of you and Foxy being together?" she asked.

The only response she got was Mike collapsing on the floor, followed by a breathless "Fuck me sideways…"

I still wonder how the night guards coped once their time at Fazbear's Pizzeria was done…

Leave your questions and dares in a review! Thanks for reading! *bows*


	4. Chapter 4

**Things have been rather slow 'round Fazbear's Pizzeria, so I think it's high time we bring someone else into the mix!**

**I don't own the FNAF series. Just the storyline and Baby.**

"_Ninety years without slumbering (tick, tock, tick, tock), his life's seconds numbering (tick, tock, tick, tock), it stopped short –never to go again- when the old man died."_

The comforting tinkles of the music box filled a room littered with toys and posters, virtually untouched by time. A fine layer of dust cloaked the electric blue countertop and shelves, cobwebs festooning the various action figures, plushies, balls and lava lamps waiting for owners that will never come to claim them. The paper plate children hung on the wall, bearing somewhat grotesque crayon faces and straggly hair of confetti and construction paper all peppered with dust and cobwebs. Balloons slightly swayed in the nonexistent breeze, as full as the hour they were blown up.

The lullaby soon faded into the dark, bathing the room in silence until a shuffling noise started. In a corner adjacent to the prize counter stood an enormous white gift box wrapped with a violet ribbon and inside, its occupant rose. A lanky black figure with purple tears and rosy cheeks stood still for a moment before cocking its head to the side. _My song… _

Swinging one impossibly long leg over the edge, it stepped onto the checkerboard floor with supernatural grace, still looking for whoever shut off its precious song.

_Clop clop clop clop clop clop_

The figure straightened when it heard what sounded like women's heels coming down the hall. _That bitch… She'll pay for her crime… _It squatted, fully prepared to lunge at the criminal and strangle the life out of them. The door opened…

REEEEEAAAA-

Its fingers jammed on the wall and its face smashed into the door. _What… Th-that's impossible!_

Baby giggled and shook her head as she watched her would-be attacker try to get its bearings after taking a door to the face. It made her wonder how it would fare with the other animatronics and Mike, let alone the questions they would receive from the perverted masses. The lack of letters has led them to grow hopeful that they would be free soon, to the point where Golden Freddy discovered escape plans hidden in Mike's pillowcase. The slow period made Baby bored, since she had no means to play with her victims and figured yet another member of Fazbear's Pizzeria's shadowy past would inject some life into it. Especially one whom Mike never met during his career…

Once her slender attacker gained its bearings, it jumped up with glowing white eyes to leer at Baby. _"Return my music," _it demanded in a low child-like echo.

"Actually I have a better idea," she replied. "It's been so long since you've gotten a chance to… play with someone right?"

The puppet balked at this. After Fazbear's Pizzeria shut down and Jeremy moved out of the state, it had grown rather bored just sitting in its box and listening to its favorite lullaby. How long it slumbered was unknown, but now that it was awake perhaps it was time to torment the humans it loathed so much.

With a curt nod, the Puppet followed Baby out of the Prize Room down the hallway.

**Well it's been a year since the FNAF saga began and it's a little over a month before Halloween! I've also noticed quite a few truth or dare style fics popping up in this section lately. I wonder if I had some role in that…**

**Ideally, I'd love to do a Halloween special with everyone taking part so keep sending questions and dares in the reviews! Thank you to everyone who's read, favorited, followed and reviewed! *bows***


	5. Chapter 5

**Well I wasn't able to do a Halloween special like I'd hoped to and it's also been a while since I contributed a new piece of prose. So let's remedy that shall we?**

**I don't own the FN F saga. Just the storyline and Baby.**

"Freddy, do you know how long it's been since Baby spoke to us?"

Chica's question jolted Freddy from his daydreams. The two were in the kitchen shooting the breeze while they awaited more questions from their strange hostess, or perhaps permission to leave and never return in Mike's case. Chica had a party sized bag of potato chips open in front of her and was shoveling handfuls of the fried snack into her mouth while Freddy noshed on some lukewarm mozzarella sticks.

The kitchen was much like any one would see in a restaurant, with the industrial stoves, fryers, fridges and cookware needed to satisfy the hungry masses that visited every day. The pantry was stocked with various snacks ranging from crackers to popcorn to mixed nuts and the freezers were filled with pizzas, chicken tenders and ready-made pasta for whenever they grew hungry. The entire place gleamed with the cleanliness that it usually had before the cooks arrived to christen it, so to speak.

Freddy shrugged. "I've lost track," he admitted to the young chick. "It's like whenever we blink, we're much farther in the future than before."

"I wonder if Mike feels the same," Chica wondered aloud, with a mouthful of chips. She grabbed a nearby clip and closed the bag before putting it back in the pantry. "Goldie did say something about finding escape plans in his room."

Freddy closed his eyes and shook his head. "He's always been a jumpy one. We all saw that for sure." He mentally flashed back to one night where the power died minutes before 6 AM and Mike's eyes growing enormous as Freddy's eyes blinked in time to the Toreador March. He swore that the human left a moist trail in his mad dash for the door when the chimes sounded.

The kitchen doors swung open and a skinny black and white figure strode in and headed straight for the freezer. It grabbed a package of chicken strips, placing four on a nearby plate before putting it in the microwave and turning it on.

"Um who are you?" Chica asked confused. She didn't recall seeing this one around the pizzeria in the past.

The stranger turned around, a wide smile forever plastered on its off-white face. "You don't remember me?" It said in a distorted child-like voice. "I was in the prize corner handing out gifts for the little ones."

Chica's face scrunched up as she struggled to recall this, when the microwave dinged. Like a proverbial light bulb moment, Freddy's eyes widened as he snapped his fingers. "You're the Puppet!" he cried out. "We haven't seen you in so long! How have you been?"

"Rather bored," the Puppet replied while it turned to retrieve its food. "Ever since I went into hiding after…" it grimaced before taking a bite of chicken. "I cannot recall how long I have been inside my box after what happened."

"I'd like to say," Chica paused and started to count on her fingers but the Puppet held up a hand to stop her.

"No need to do that, I think it has been long enough."

"Well we did have a new security guard," Freddy added. "Mike Schmidt is his name."

The Puppet chewed on his food in contemplation. "What is he like?"

"Jumpy, rather foul-mouthed, doesn't really like us," the bear replied. "Goldie found out that he's been trying to get out of here since he was taken here."

A low chuckle left the slender figure as he finished off his snack. He should be an interesting one to mess with indeed…

**Considering **_**FN F: Sister Location**_** is featuring a new animatronic called Baby, I'm starting to wonder if I should change our hostess's name to avoid confusion. I'm also not planning on adding Baby or the Ballerina animatronic (whatever her name may be) for right now. I'd like to wait until the game comes out so that I can see them in action and get my head canon figured out for them.**

**I'm very sorry I haven't been active much on this site outside of editing my profile and occasionally favoriting stories. I've been trying to hunt for a job and also I've been rather lazy courtesy of writer's block. I'm hoping to pick things up a little bit more and churn out some more writing for you guys.**

**Please leave questions and dares in your reviews (anything goes with this fic) and thank you to everyone whose read, followed and faved this story! *bows***


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